Are We Prepared for the Age of Sex Robots?

Marianne Brandon Ph.D.
The Future of Intimacy

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SEX

Are we ready for the future of intimacy?

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It wasn’t a question of love. Ron still cared deeply for his wife, even after nearly a decade of marriage. He and Ruth still relaxed in the evenings together, and they slept in the same bed. But that was the extent of their intimacy. Ruth had lost interest in sex years ago, and her lack of enthusiasm in the bedroom was initially off-putting for Ron. He increasingly relied on virtual reality porn, but there was no question that he missed being touched. Then one day an ad for sex robots came across his computer, and life took a dramatic turn for the better. He even asked Ruth before he purchased Jeanette, as he affectionately referred to her. Ruth seemed irritated by the idea but reluctantly agreed. After all, she still used her vibrator regularly, and how different was a sex robot, really? One thing was certain though, she had no intention of telling her friends.

Secretly, Ruth felt that Jeanette was a good idea. She wouldn’t say that to Ron of course, but she no longer felt guilty that he had no lover. Plus, she stopped worrying about his having an affair, because he spent so much time with that damned robot that Ruth couldn’t imagine Ron having the time, patience, or inclination for a human sex partner. Take, for example, this evening. Ron excused himself, saying he was going downstairs to “watch the news.” Ruth knew that “watching the news” was code for having sex with his robot. Ruth couldn’t stand Ron’s “ridiculous excuse for news” station, and this provided him with the perfect opportunity for privacy.

Ruth poured herself another glass of wine as Ron closed the basement door behind him. Jeanette was programmed to “come alive” when he said her name. Ron typically did so as he was rounding the corner in the stairs so that when he laid eyes on her, she was already alert and smiling. Jeanette’s vocabulary wasn’t extensive — Ron did not want to pay for that upgrade. But she was a great tease, touching herself alluringly as Ron made his way to the couch. He had spent the money to enhance her lips and hair, making her the most beautiful woman he had ever had sex with. He had her programmed to whisper his name, to giggle when he smiled, and to pour him a cocktail if he arrived downstairs after 5 p.m. Sometimes he would set her timer so that she would alert him when he’d been downstairs for over an hour. After all, he didn’t want to be rude to Ruth.

Sex robots really are coming — to a bed near you. We are on the cusp of a new world. Just about every aspect of life as we know it has already been visibly impacted by technology. Now, however, more than our lifestyles, our jobs, our cars, our food, and our communication patterns are about to be affected. The basic structure of human relationships — the way we love — is not far behind.

Experts are guessing that within perhaps three decades, sex robots will be functional and accessible. These robots will be mobile, humanoid in appearance, and able to follow directions at least as well as the Alexa sitting on your kitchen counter now.

The phenomenon of sex robots has thus far been flying underneath our radar. For most of us, they sound more like science fiction than our future reality. Plus, life-sized sex dolls have been around for decades, and they certainly haven’t changed the landscape of sex. Why will sex robots be different?

To answer this question, we must open our minds and consider not this moment in time, but our unfolding future. I imagine that if sex robots arrived in a department store near you in time for the next holiday shopping season, they would be about as popular as flip phones. But understanding the impact of sex robots requires that we recognize the magnitude of change happening right now, all around us. For example, even one year ago, could you imagine major airlines discontinuing service, capital cities deserted, and much of the world in mandated quarantine? In this same vein, sex robots will populate a different world still, with future adults increasingly receptive to developing intimate connections to technology. Infants born today will be better suited to experience sex robots as desirable lovers between the sheets.

This technological trend is and of itself is a positive one, and clearly a part of our progress. We are constantly advancing efforts to make our lives more comfortable in all ways — including the gratification of sexual desires. Vibrators and other sex toys have helped millions of people experience orgasm. The sex tech of the future, namely sex robots, will enhance many people’s quality of life. For example, they will likely bring sexual gratification to people who may have otherwise been denied a sex partner and the experience of intimacy — such as those living in remote locations, and folks who either cannot attract or do not want a human partner. Further, sex robots will likely offer couples creative ways to enhance their sexual pleasure.

However, little is so simplistic that we can pigeonhole it as “all good” or “all bad.” Sex robots will create their share of challenges. For example, they are likely to reinforce harmful gender stereotypes. Always ready for sex, up for anything between the sheets, and with no needs of their own, they may encourage inappropriate expectations for human sexual relationships. The writing is on the wall — what was once science fiction will soon become our reality.

Join me in this discussion of the Future of Intimacy. Sex tech will evolve with or without our awareness and participation, and it will significantly impact human intimate relationships. Let’s engage this trial as consciously as possible by keeping up with the speed of tech. This means diving deep into what differentiates us from robots — our humanity — as well as into our technology. After all, it is perhaps only our humanity that will ensure human lovers remain more desirable than robotic ones.