Marianne Brandon Ph.D.
The Future of Intimacy
PORNOGRAPHY
The hidden parallels between our most misunderstood behaviors.
KEY POINTS
- Both porn and food can act as supernormal stimuli that hijack our brain’s natural reward systems.
- People may use both for emotional regulation, not just to satisfy physical urges.
- Over-restriction of either often backfires, leading to problematic patterns.
We live in a culture quick to judge what goes on behind closed doors — whether it’s someone’s late-night snacking habits or their porn use. But what if these seemingly different behaviors share more common ground than we realize? Understanding the parallels between our relationships with food and porn might just revolutionize how we approach both, leading to healthier intimacy in our digital age.
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The Pleasure Principle
Both food and porn can activate the same fundamental reward systems in our brains. They’re what scientists call supernormal stimuli — artificially enhanced versions of things we’re naturally wired to find rewarding. Just as birds have been shown to abandon their own eggs to sit on a researcher’s oversized, brightly spotted fake egg, humans can become captivated by the exaggerated sexual imagery of pornography or the intensely sweet, salty, and fatty combinations found in processed foods.
This isn’t a design flaw in our brains — it’s a feature that once helped our ancestors survive. The problem is that modern technology has created artificial versions of stimuli that are far more intense than anything our evolutionary programming anticipated.
Beyond Basic Needs
Here’s where it gets interesting: neither food nor porn consumption is driven solely by biological necessity. People turn to both for emotional regulation, using them as tools to cope with negative feelings, loneliness, and stress. When someone reaches for that pint of ice cream after a breakup or scrolls through porn when feeling isolated, they’re not responding to hunger or sexual arousal — they’re seeking comfort.
Loneliness is a significant predictor of both problematic eating and pornography use. In our increasingly disconnected world, both can serve as readily available substitutes for human intimacy and companionship. Food becomes a “companion” during difficult emotions, while pornography offers the illusion of sexual connection without the vulnerability of real relationships.
The Self-Soothing Connection
Both behaviors serve as go-to self-soothing mechanisms when our emotional regulation systems are overwhelmed. Research indicates that people with difficulties managing emotions are more likely to develop problematic relationships with both food and pornography. They provide immediate, accessible relief from anxiety, depression, shame, and other uncomfortable feelings — creating a temporary escape that can become habitual over time.
This emotional support explains why both can become compulsive. When life feels overwhelming, the promise of instant pleasure and distraction becomes incredibly appealing, even when we know it might not serve our long-term wellbeing.
The Restriction Paradox
Perhaps most surprisingly, research shows that over-restricting either food or pornography often backfires spectacularly. Studies on dietary restraint reveal that rigid control approaches frequently lead to cycles of restriction followed by overconsumption. When people try to completely eliminate “forbidden” foods, their cognitive resources become depleted, making them more likely to overeat when willpower falters.
Similarly, complete pornography abstinence can create a psychological rebound effect where the forbidden behavior becomes even more appealing.
Shame: The Common Enemy
Both food and sexuality attract intense moral judgment in our culture. We shame people for their eating habits and sexual behaviors, creating environments where individuals feel compelled to hide their struggles. This shame compounds the problem — when people feel judged for their behaviors, they’re less likely to seek help and more likely to engage in secretive, potentially problematic patterns.
Understanding these parallels opens up new possibilities for how we approach both food and sexuality. Instead of demonizing either, we can recognize them as complex behaviors serving multiple psychological functions. This shift toward compassion and understanding strikes me as crucial for developing healthy coping mechanisms as we are increasingly surrounded by more potent temptations.
Our emotional health lies not in restriction and shame, but in developing emotional intelligence, genuine connection skills, and self-compassion. When we address the underlying needs that drive both compulsive eating and pornography use — needs for comfort, connection, and emotional regulation — we create space for more authentic intimacy to flourish.
Rather than asking “How do we eliminate these behaviors?” we might ask “How do we meet our deeper needs in healthier ways?” This reframe transforms the conversation from one of control to one of understanding, from judgment to curiosity, and from shame to healing.
By recognizing the common threads between our relationships with food and pornography, we can develop more nuanced, effective approaches to both — ultimately creating space for the kind of intimate connections we truly crave.
References
Bőthe, B., et al. (2021). Predictors of pornography use difficulties in emotion regulation. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 19(4), 620-630
Hilton, D. L. (2013). Pornography addiction – a supranormal stimulus considered in the context of neuroplasticity. Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology, 3(1). https://doi.org/10.3402/snp.v3i0.20767
Zhang X, Ravichandran S, Gee GC, et al. Social Isolation, Brain Food Cue Processing, Eating Behaviors, and Mental Health Symptoms. JAMA Netw Open. 2024;7(4):e244855. doi:10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2024.4855
