Marianne Brandon Ph.D.
The Future of Intimacy
SEX
Advancing sex tech may be positive in many ways, but we can’t ignore its challenges.
KEY POINTS
- We shape artificial intelligence, and, at the same time, it shapes us.
- We already observe ways that sex tech is modifying people’s sexual interests.
- As tech gains in potency, it will become even more impactful on our sexual experience.
Have you sexted with a chatbot? Visited a sex doll brothel? Watched VR porn? These are some of the sexual experiences available today as sex tech advances. And this is only the beginning — truly the tip of the sexual iceberg for advancing tech. Just as we cannot truly know how technology will modify humanity, so can we not know how our sexuality will, too, be transformed.
Source: Samuel Borges Photography/Shutterstock
But the relationship between past and current sexual experiences is quite complex. For example, a history of frightening sexual experiences can lead to sexual avoidance altogether, or it can motivate people to seek out additional frightening sexual experiences because either they associate fright with sexual excitement, or they are attempting (unconsciously) to rewrite a frightening sexual narrative (Hoffman et al., 2004).
The Neuroplastic Adolescent Brain
Moreover, sexual experiences are more influential on adolescents than adults. This is because the adolescent brain is uniquely neuroplastic—or still developing — particularly in areas related to decision-making, impulse control, and reward processing. This neuroplasticity leaves young people more influenced by sex tech, since the average age of first exposure to porn is 13 (Bischmann et al., 2017). Furthermore, as adolescents have limited real-world sexual experience and, often, little exposure to sex education, they rely on porn as a teaching tool (Rothman et al., 2015).
While this more primal sexual experience depicted in porn can be an important element of adult sexual skill, it is certainly not the full story. Love-making, too, is essential to satisfying sex in a long-term relationship. Primal sexual energy, when not balanced by tender sex, limits people’s experiences of intimacy. Time will show us how adolescents’ exposure to primal sexuality, unopposed by human sexual tenderness, will play out for them.
As an example, much research has been done in the last several years about the drastic increase in choking during heterosexual sex on college campuses. This is particularly noteworthy because choking was not predictive of her sexual pleasure or orgasm (Herbenick et al., 2023). Further, there are obvious risks to this sex play since college students often combine sex with mind-altering substances like drugs or alcohol. While we cannot prove that this is learning from porn — it is difficult to undeniably determine how sexual interests are created (Pfaus et al., 2020) — it is certainly a logical assumption. But what will this mean for the college crowd today who, from at least one survey, are more likely to choke during sex than use a vibrator (Herbenick et al., 2021)?
Perhaps some believe that a loss of human intimacy via lovemaking does not mean that much. After all, romantic relationships are challenging, as is monogamy for so many couples. But the question remains in my mind: Are we teaching young people that the sex depicted in porn is all they can expect for their sex lives? And will some young people find that frightening, or at least unappealing, and opt out of sexual relationships altogether? Since sex is the most intimate act of most people’s lives, and intimacy powerfully supports our mental and physical health, this possibility concerns me.
Ignoring Downsides of Sex Tech
As I watch sex tech becoming increasingly intense, such as the recent studies about the potency of VR porn (Elsey et al., 2019), there is no doubt that many people will benefit from advancing technology. People will have opportunities to experience their sexuality in ways never before possible. And like all sex therapists, I am delighted that sexual satisfaction is now considered a human right. But, as with all change and advancements, there will be downsides. Why are we ignoring this reality? It’s certainly not because of a lack of relevance to the future of humanity.
Sometimes people prefer to avoid this topic for fear they appear sex negative. Or perhaps it’s the uncertainty that leaves them silent. Although changes in sex tech have been dramatic in just the last few years, most people remain unaware of these changes and uninterested in learning about them. Similarly, most parents are unprepared and even unwilling to educate their children and adolescents about the sex tech they are encountering.
At an exciting, cutting-edge conference on technology I recently attended, presenters were unwilling to speculate about how advancements in robotic arms will be utilized in sexual ways. It seems that advancing sex tech is the elephant in the room, and no one wants to discuss it. This is unfortunate because a mindful approach to the development and use of sex tech is what will help us ensure that it will be used to enhance human intimacy rather than detract from it. But is enhancing human intimacy our collective goal?
Human sexuality is complex and influenced by many factors beyond conditioning (Pfaus et al., 2012). But just because advancing sex tech will be positive in many ways doesn’t mean we can ignore its unavoidable challenges. Those most vulnerable among us, such as adolescents and the mentally ill, are depending on us.
References
Bischmann, A., Richardson, C., & Gervais, S. J. (2017, August). Age and experience of first exposure to pornography: Relations to masculine norms. Poster presentation. 125th Annual Convention of the American Psychological Association, Washington, DC, United States.
Elsey, J. W., van Andel, K., Kater, R. B., Reints, I. M., & Spiering, M. (2019). The impact of virtual reality versus 2D pornography on sexual arousal and presence. Computers in Human Behavior, 97, 35–43
Herbenick, D., Fu, T. & Patterson, C. (2023). Sexual repertoire, duration of partnered sex, sexual pleasure, and orgasm: Findings from a US National Representative survey of adults. Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, 49(4), 369–390.
Herbenick, D., Fu, T. C., Wright, P., Paul, B., Gradus, R., Bauer, J., & Jones, R. (2021). Prevalence and characteristics of choking/strangulation during sex: Findings from a probability survey of undergraduate students. Journal of American College Health, 1–15. https://doi.org/10.1080/07448481.2021.1920599
Hoffmann, H., Janssen, E., & Turner, S. L. (2004). Classical conditioning of sexual arousal in women and men: Effects of varying awareness and biological relevance of the conditioned stimulus. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 33(1), 43–53.
Pfaus, J. G., Erickson, T. M., & Talbot, S. (2020). Conditioning of sexual interests and paraphilias in humans is difficult to see, virtually impossible to test, and probably exactly how it happens: A comment on Hsu and Bailey (2020). Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49(5), 1403–1407. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-020-01739-2
Pfaus, J. G., Kippin, T. E., & Centeno, S. (2012). Conditioning and sexual behavior: A review. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 41(1), 31–62. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-012-9915-9
Rothman, E. F., Kaczmarsky, C., Burke, N., Jansen, E., & Baughman, A. (2015). “Without porn … I wouldn’t know half the things I know now”: A qualitative study of pornography use among a sample of urban, low-income, Black and Hispanic youth. The Journal of Sex Research, 52(7), 736–746.
