Marianne Brandon Ph.D.
The Future of Intimacy
SEX
Technology’s increasing, yet overlooked impact on intimacy.
KEY POINTS
- Technology’s impact on intimacy, now and in the future, is largely ignored.
- Current trends in our intimate behavior are already demonstrating shifts.
- People are having less sex together, yet more with tech.
- It’s time we get proactive to guide the future of intimacy.
As a sex therapist with decades of experience, I’ve witnessed firsthand the profound changes technology has brought to human relationships and intimacy. Despite rapid advancements in AI, VR, and other technologies that are reshaping our most personal connections, I hear little discussion about these changes. When I talk with parents of children and adolescents, they are shocked by the kinds of sex technology already available to their offspring. When I lecture to physicians and to therapists, they too are unaware of the ways technology is already changing human intimate behavior. Why aren’t we taking the impact of technology on humanity more seriously? It’s certainly not because technology won’t powerfully change the nature of human intimacy. These are my thoughts on our resistance:
Source: Willyam Bradber/Shutterstock
Consumed by Present-Day Crises
In a world grappling with climate change, political polarization, and economic uncertainties, it’s understandable that the long-term effects of technology on human relationships might not top our list of concerns. Most people are struggling to stay afloat with the challenges of today. People just don’t have much bandwidth to concern themselves with additional challenges.
Lack of Technological Literacy
For many, especially older generations, the intricacies of AI, machine learning, and virtual reality remain abstract concepts. This lack of familiarity makes it challenging to grasp the full potential – and potential risks – of these technologies in shaping human interactions. We tend to underestimate what we don’t understand, and in this case, that miscalculation could have far-reaching consequences.
Reassuring Ourselves That Humans Will Always Be the Most Desired Intimate Partner
We comfort ourselves with the belief that most people will always prefer human partners over technological alternatives. This assumption, however, fails to account for the rapid advancements in AI and robotics that are making digital interactions increasingly satisfying, both emotionally and sexually. Furthermore, just because a human partner is preferred, doesn’t discount the fact that the AI variety may be easier to obtain and oh so convenient.
Ignoring Societal Trends
Perhaps most concerning is our tendency to overlook clear societal trends that highlight the shifts already taking place in human relationships. For example, rates of intercourse have been declining for over two decades. People are also dating less and partnering less. But that doesn’t mean that people are having less sex — sales of sex toys have skyrocketed, and younger folks are consuming more porn than ever before. In addition, people report significant increases in stress, anxiety, and depression, which can leave them with less motivation and energy to cultivate and care for a human relationship.
Inability to Fathom the Change
Part of our collective blindness stems from an inability to imagine the gradual nature of technological change. We’re not going to wake up one day in a world where everyone has a chatbot lover, or where robots have replaced human partners. Instead, we’re experiencing a slow, almost imperceptible shift – shades of grey rather than black and white. This gradual change makes it easier to ignore or dismiss the cumulative effects over time.
Focusing on Technology’s Glitches
When we do discuss the impact of technology on relationships, we often fixate on its current limitations or glitches. We point out the awkwardness of chatbots or the uncanny valley effect of humanoid robots. However, this focus on present imperfections ignores the rapid pace of technological advancement. Furthermore, it overlooks the fact that human relationships are far from perfect themselves and tend to require much energy and effort to maintain.
Desire for Sex Positivity
In the sex-positive culture we’ve worked hard to cultivate, there’s a reluctance to critique or question new forms of sexual expression or intimacy. We want to be open-minded about the possibilities technology offers to enhance people’s sexual experience. Our efforts toward positivity can prevent us from critically examining the broader implications of these technologies on human connection.
The Path Forward
To be clear, I don’t embrace a doomsday view of technology’s impact on human relationships. This innovation has the clear potential to enhance intimacy, improve communication, and offer new avenues for connection. However, I do think that by ignoring the transformation of intimacy already underway, we risk losing control over how this technology integrates into our most personal spheres.
The impact of these changes will be felt most acutely by younger generations. If we care about their future – about preserving the depth and richness of human connection in a digital age – we need to become more involved in shaping the present. For example, we can promote discussions about the increasing role of tech in our intimate lives. We can encourage a more balanced approach to tech use in relationships, especially among younger people. We can develop ethical guidelines for the development and use of intimacy-related technologies. Finally, love-making is a learned skill. We can educate people in this skill development so that their most exciting sex doesn’t necessarily happen with technology.
Let’s bring the same level of attention and concern to the impact of technology on our intimate lives as we do to other pressing societal issues. By taking this impact seriously now, we can work towards a future where technology enhances rather than replaces human connection, ensuring that the essence of what makes us human – our capacity for deep, meaningful relationships – remains intact in the digital age.
