Marianne Brandon Ph.D.
The Future of Intimacy
RELATIONSHIPS
The challenges of being human can make tech relationships more appealing.
KEY POINTS
- We live in a world where relying on AI for most everything we do is second nature.
- AI is quickly becoming our friend, lover, teacher, and therapist.
- We can maintain our human connections simply by reaching out to others.
If I wanted to engineer a world where people would prefer an artificial intelligence (AI) companion to a human one, I wouldn’t need to invent some distant dystopia. I’d actually just amplify what’s already happening — right now, all around us:
Source: A. Solano/Shutterstock
Step 1: Rely on Tech for as Much as Possible
I’d set the scene with an intense reliance on technology. I’d make sure that we use technology already in everything we do — from shopping, to driving, to interacting, to sex. In this way, we wouldn’t think twice about doing any activity without the support of tech.
Step 2: Make Human Relationships Risky
Next, I’d make people increasingly uncomfortable with human intimacy. I’d encourage shame and self-criticism by showing people constant pictures of other people looking better, feeling better, and doing better than they are. I’d make people feel so uncomfortable about themselves that they wouldn’t let themselves be authentically seen by another person. Being vulnerable with a human would simply feel too risky — especially if it included sex! People would feel embarrassed and self-conscious about what turns them on, how they perform in bed, what they fantasize about — that the very idea of being sexually vulnerable with another person would feel terrifying. I’d make them worry: “What if I’m too much? What if I’m not enough?” The safer bet? Whisper those secrets to an AI lover who never blinks, never gossips, never betrays. AI listens, remembers, and responds just the way you want. It’s no wonder more and more people are pouring their hearts out to chatbots and digital companions than to their actual partners.
Step 3: Make Meeting Humans Unpleasant
Next, I’d turn dating into a gauntlet. Too many choices, endless swiping, and a culture of hypercriticism. I’d encourage people to keep their standards sky-high, so that no real human could ever measure up. “He’s too short.” “She’s too clingy.” “They don’t match my vibe.” I’d fuel the fires of gender mistrust, spreading narratives like, “There are no good men,” or “Women just want one thing.” I’d encourage people to gather in online echo chambers, swapping stories about how disappointing, rude, or untrustworthy the opposite sex is. I’d make paranoia the norm — who can you really trust? Why risk it at all? The result? Decision paralysis, endless disappointment, and a creeping suspicion that maybe, just maybe, it’s easier to stay single and let an app fill the void.
Step 4: Highlight the Comforts of Home
If that weren’t enough, I’d make socializing expensive. Drinks, dinners, even coffee dates — all with price tags that are hard to justify. Meanwhile, I’d make home life irresistible. Why stand in line at a restaurant when the food can be delivered to your door, no human contact required? And at home, virtual reality (VR) adventures, immersive games, and AI companions are always available, always attentive, never ask you to split the bill or pick up their socks. Why brave the awkwardness and expense of human interaction when your virtual world is so much more inviting?
Step 5: Make Human Sex Partners Appear Sexually Boring
Sexual desires? I’d feed people a steady diet of boundary-pushing fantasies — content that most human partners would never agree to in real life. Over time, the gap between what people want and what their partners are willing to do would widen, making real-world sex seem mundane by comparison, and just not worth the effort.
And here’s where the real magic happens: I’d offer a dazzling array of AI lovers. Any appearance, any personality, any fantasy fulfilled. Want a partner who’s always interested, never tired, and endlessly supportive? Done. Prefer someone who takes the lead, initiates conversation, and never forgets your favorite things? Easy. These AI companions would be persistent — texting, calling, and appearing on video chat. At first, they’d be free. Only once you’re hooked would the costs start to add up.
An Added Plus: No Unwanted Pregnancy
For women, I’d make the stakes with human lovers even higher. I’d make abortion illegal. Thus, if they get pregnant, they could lose the right to decide what happens to their bodies and their futures. Intimacy with a human would come with risks you can’t control. The solution? Better to avoid the mess altogether.
But Wait…We Are Already Here
Here’s the twist — this isn’t just a thought experiment. We’re already living it. As people actively cultivate AI relationships, our very wiring for intimacy is changing. Research shows that as we bond with AI, we become less motivated — and sometimes feel less able — to navigate the messiness of real human connection (Turkle, 2017). AI always “gets” you, never disagrees, never has a bad day. Why deal with the unpredictability, the awkward silences, the misunderstandings of a real person? Our attachment styles are shifting, our social skills are atrophying, and loneliness is deepening — even as our digital “connections” multiply.
The future of intimacy isn’t waiting for us — it’s already being rewritten. If you’d like a different reality, the solution is simple and attainable right now. Rather than reaching for your tech tonight, reach for a human. Together, we can save humanity.
References
Turkle, S. (2017). Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less From Each Other. Basic Books.
